The Nutcracker: Bar, Restaurant, Inn
by Pickles the Great
Summary: On the side of a busy Munich walkway was a homey looking two story building reading 'The Nutcracker: Bar, Restautant, Inn'. Run and patronized by many different characters. Animeverse, Post Shamballa, Royai. Now a series of unrelated oneshots.
1. Introducing the Employees

For once I'm writing in the animeverse! This is written post-shamballa, as I toyed around with the idea of Alternate Roy & Riza. It's gonna sound crazy, right? I'm changing Riza's whole name because I want it to sound more German.

**&&&**

"Urrgh, I'm so HUNGRY!" Ed shouted.

Edward and Alphonse Elric were walking down a busy Munich walkway during lunchtime. Ed's infamous hunger had overtaken his mouth, and caused a few passing shoppers to spare him a reproving look.

"Well I'd love to help, brother, but I don't know any restaurants in this city! Or this world, for that matter." Al replied sheepishly. Ed felt (And Al heard) his stomach grumble with frustration. Ed attempted to clear his mind of the visions of all the tasty food he could be eating to try and think of a place to find it. His eyes caught a familiar building he used to enter with Alfons for breakfast. He chuckled silently picturing the look on his brother's face when he saw the people inside. "Over here Al, this place is good." He called. The sign above the door read "The Nutcracker, Bar, Restaurant, Inn."

A bell attached to the inside frame of the door chimed merrily, informing the residents of the new arrivals. A warm female voice drowned out the crowd of drunkards in the corner of the room. "Just a minute!" Al let out an audible gasp as he recognized the apron-clad woman coming from around the corner.

It appeared to be a woman he knew very well, but with noticeable differences. The hair was lighter and slightly longer, the eyes more brown than amber. The pale, heart-shaped face was slightly rosier, and the woman he knew never wore skirts. It was First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, but revised.

"Oh, hey big guy," she said, smiling at Ed. "Haven't seen you in a while. How've you been?" She glanced in Alphonse's direction and bent down to be at eye level. "And who's your handsome friend, here?" Al turned red, Ed smiled. "Yo, Liza. I'm fine; this is my brother, Al." He jabbed a finger beside him. The woman stuck out her hand. "Well it's very nice to meet you, Al." Al returned her gesture and smiled weakly. He had always known the lieutenant was attractive, but he had never seen her with her hair down before. "It's nice to meet you too… Liza?" The woman smiled and returned to full height. "Elizabeth Hemmingway. But everyone calls me Liza. I take it you two fine young men are here for lunch?" They nodded in unison. "I'm STARVING, Liza. Give me the biggest sandwich you got, with everything on it." Ed slumped his back and pulled up a chair at the bar. Liza nodded and scribbled his order down on a notepad she produced from her apron pocket. "And you, Al?" Alphonse picked at his chin, deciding what he wanted to eat. "How about… chicken soup." She nodded again and walked over to the counter where a figure which Al had originally taken to be a fixture of the bar was sleeping with its jet-black hair sprawling about the countertop. Liza slammed the paper down in front of the head which started. The man scratched his head irritably and cast an aggravated look at her.

"What was that for?"

"We have customers. Get to work."

"Hey, remind me again, whose bar is this?"

"It won't be yours for much longer if you keep sleeping on the job like this. Now come on, it's Ed, and you know how he gets when he's hungry. And I don't know who you expect to clean up the mess, but it sure as hell won't be me, so just start up on this order, will you?"

The alternate Roy Mustang ruffled his hair and scowled as he snatched up the small piece of paper and headed towards the kitchen on the other end. Al just stared with his mouth slightly open as the people he knew so well walked about the restaurant doing their daily chores. A familiar feeling overcame him, he couldn't place it, but he had definitely felt it before. His eyes wandered around until he stopped on the smile upon Ed's face.

"You knew they were in here, didn't you?" He scowled at his brother, who sniggered. "C'mon, Al, if I knew that the Colonel and the Lieutenant would be here, don't you think I would've told you?" Al grumbled angrily as the drunks in the back chatted loudly.

"Hey, Lizzie! 'Nother round, over here!" Called one of them. Liza, who was scrubbing down a chair two tables away, sighed heavily. "I told you after the last round, John, I'm cutting you off, get some coffee or something."

"Aw, come off it Lizzie, where did our love go?" The man laughed. His messy blonde hair was scraggly and unkempt and his suspenders were slack. His bright blue eyes were glazed over with drink; the other Jean Havoc was sloshed indeed.

"Speakin' of love, how'd your date go last night, Lizzie?" Asked Havoc's companion. His round stomach was shaking dangerously, his eyes beady and red, an unmistakable double of Heymans Breda.

"Terribly," She replied. "The guy was a total ass. I ended up slapping him and sticking him with the bill." John grinned. "Don't get too worried Lizzie, I'd be glad to marry you!" He grabbed her around the waist with the other free hand holding up an empty bottle. "Our babies will be gorgeous!" He laughed. Liza smiled and pushed his hand off her hip. "Not to mention alcoholics. Now cut it out John, it's way too early to be as drunk as you are." The others laughed as Liza splashed cold water on other-Havocs face in a firm attempt to sober him up. She walked over to the counter just as the irritated restaurant owner came out with the plates. She balanced them expertly on her arms and set them in front of Ed and Al.

"So," Said the black-haired bar owner, stopping right in front of Al and his soup. "I know anger management over here, who're you?" Al blew cold air on his steaming bowl. "Hello, I'm Alphonse Elric. Nice to meet you." The man looked from Al to Ed in surprise. "And you two are actually _related_? Some hospital somewhere screwed your parents over good, that's all I gotta say." A vein popped in Ed's forehead, but he was far too hungry to push the matter. Al looked around to take in the scene. Liza smiled at the Mustang-look-alike as they talked about a new movie they were both interested in, the men in the corner were singing a cheery war march, and Al suddenly remembered the feeling he had when he entered the restaurant. It was the same feeling he had whenever he entered East H.Q, the sense of familiarity, unity and close bonds, the feeling of understanding. Everyone was at peace with each other here, like a close knit family with very different members.

"Hey chief, why don't YOU marry Lizzie?" Breda called from their corner of the bar. The others nodded in agreement; this was obviously a well-traveled topic among the regulars of the bar. "C'mon, you're totally in love with 'er! I seen the way you two lookit-" Liza snapped the towel from the sash of her apron, slinging it across the room and hitting him square in the face. Apparently the alternate version of the famed military sniper was no less deadly with her aim. She strode crossly to the other side of the bar and snapped her towel back. She was very red in the face. "Even _you're_ not that drunk, Helmed." She stuffed her towel back into her pocket hurriedly and turned around to busy herself with another chair. The other Mustang coughed loudly in an attempt to hide how flushed his cheeks were turning. Alphonse looked back and forth between the two coworkers and realized there was more in common with these counterparts and their doubles than just looks.

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"C'mon chief, just say you're sorry!" Havoc whined to his CO. "It can't be that hard, and it would make her a whole lot happier than if you just keep on being an ass!" Mustang twitched. "I don't see what I have to apologize for. I left. Now I'm back. End of story." Havoc scowled. "You're not even fooling yourself, are you? You missed her, I can tell. Now if you just go up and say 'I'm sorry, my love, forgive my giant ego, please have my babies', everything will be oka---YEARGHH!!!" Havoc shrieked as a bullet narrowly missed his right ear. Neither of them had heard the Lieutenant enter the room, but they were both open-mouthed and slack-jawed as she stuffed her gun back into her holster. "Thank you for what I think is your concern, Havoc, but I'm not angry and I'm certainly not having anyone's babies." Havocs chest was still rising and sinking rapidly as the shock of the bullet wore off slowly. Mustang just stared at her as she crossed to the bookshelf. Their long months apart had done nothing to rob her of her unique brand of beauty, and he was now finding himself wondering where he ever found the insanity to leave her as he did. He had the insatiable urge to do exactly as Havoc had said, to hold her and stroke her hair and assure her that he was never going to leave her again. But as long as his many mistakes still rung in his ears he could never be vain enough to think he deserved the happiness he could have with her. She was his constant reminder, the thing he wanted most of all but could never have, the thing he had to separate himself from to make sure he could never forget the sins he committed.

She was his punishment.

And he hated it.

**&&&**

See, THIS is why I hate writing in the animeverse, Mustang is all emo and bastard-ey, Riza all needy and mean, and Ed is all screwed in the head! Seriously, all the anime characters need some meds. A LOT of meds.

But I just had to write a Shamballa Riza and Roy. Too cool!


	2. A date with Kai

I decided (by popular demand) to make this into a series of unrelated oneshots about the same setting-thing. Even though it might kill me to write this much animeverse, I still had some ideas I wanted to throw around. There won't be any more Amestris-sided end stories, so forget about that.

**&&&**

"Hellooo, Lizzie, M' love!" Shouted John loudly. It was almost six at night and he stumbled in supporting a half-conscious Helmed on his shoulders. Ed and Al looked up from their dinners (Their oven had exploded after Ed left his popcorn pan in there to cool and they knew Liza would give them a cheap hot meal) to watch the two parade drunkenly around the apparatus, singing and tossing around half-full liquor bottles.

"Are you two making it your mission to get me fired?" Liza shouted as they fell onto a rickety old table. "If the chief comes in here and-"

"Finds out that the two thorns in my side have decided to wreck more of my restaurant?" Roy Meier walked in with polishing a glass with an old cloth and looking irritated. Then again, the restaurant owner was rarely ever not irritated. And why not, he had a lot of things to be irritated about. "You guys better watch it, not only do I have the power to kick your drunken asses out of here but you're definitely making Liz mad and when she snaps you're on your own." This last statement was most effective in making their two regular customers pick up the table right-side-up and sit with their backs straight in their chairs. If anyone hadn't known better they could be mistaken for decent, law-abiding citizens. Liza nodded. "Thank you, chief. Now, I need to go fetch a few things from the back…" She stood up from her seat on the bar and stepped neatly across to the two doors next to the stairs leading to the rooms. One read 'EMPLOYEES ONLY', the other 'STORAGE'. Liza entered the latter and came out shortly afterwards carrying a tablecloth and two candlesticks.

"Got a hot date tonight, Lizzie?" Helmed asked jokingly as she set the candlesticks down and threw the tablecloth around an old scrubbed wooden table. It did certainly appear that she was setting up for a romantic evening.

"Pssh. If I did, do you think I'd be stupid enough to bring him here? Nah, it's for Kai, he has a new girlfriend and he wanted to do something sweet." She smiled to herself as she placed the candlesticks on opposite sides of the salt and pepper shakers.

"Aw, our little Kai is all grown up?" John asked with a tone of misery. "And here I was thinking I would still be around to walk him down the aisle…" He wiped a tear from his eye. Liza shook her head and straightened the cushions on the chairs. It was common knowledge that Liza was Kai's substitute-mother, and she was very protective of him. Whenever he was getting picked on by John and Helmed, she was always the one to slap them with her towel and make some hot chocolate or tea.

Al smiled as well; he always liked Kai, seeing as he had always liked Cain Fuery. He was still a little bit of a dork, but with a sort of youthful kindness, always the child of the group. He wondered silently to himself who his date could possibly be…

The little bell sang its welcoming tune, cueing the silence that washed over the bar; everyone seemed to be dying to know who Kai's date was. Even Roy had paused in the polishing of his glassware to stare at the doorway.

Kai entered first, opening the door and ushering in his lady friend. It was a short-sided girl, with mousy brown hair and thick, horn-rimmed glasses almost identical to Kai's…

"Sciezka?" Ed and Al stated in disbelief.

The girl looked up, with the same look of blushing surprise as the Military Librarian they knew so well. "Y-yes, that's my name, h-how did you know?" She grabbed Kai's shoulder and pushed him to hide herself. "Have you been spying on me?" Yes, this was Sciezka alright.

"Um, sorry we just… we just know someone with that name too, that's all," Al explained, waiving his hands in a defensive motion. "You… you kind of remind us of her." Ed crossed his fingers under the table hoping that this Sciezka was just as naïve as the one they knew. "Oh," She said, letting go of Kai's shoulder, "Okay." They let out a collective sigh.

"Right this way, please," Liza smiled and ushered them over to the table in the center of the room that she had decorated for the occasion. Al forgot how maternal the lieutenant could be.

Kai turned a violent shade of red as he pulled out a chair for his date. She sat down blushingly and scooted herself closer to the table. Liza gave Kai a thumbs up on her way to the pair of drunks.

"Shoo, _shoo_!" she whispered fiercely as she chased the men away from their table, brandishing her towel like a whip. "You're not going to ruin this for Kai!"

John paused in his stumble towards the door to put an arm around Sciezka's chair. "He's a good boy," He said, tears in his drunken eyes, "Like a son to us. Please dun go breaking his fragile lil' heart."

Sciezka looked moved to tears. "That's so sweet!" She cupped her hands together and leaned towards John. "Oh, I promise, I promise!" Kai looked like he could melt into the floor. Liza looked ready to strangle someone.

Roy could sense the approaching danger and sidestepped the bar and chairs to shove John and Helmed bodily and forcibly from the bar. Liza smiled in a finalizing way and turned to give some motherly words to Sciezka. Unfortunately, before she could get past a half-hearted "Dear…" On his way back to the bar, Roy picked her up by the waist and slung her over his shoulder. Ed and Al had to bite back the hysteric laughter that was trying to force itself out of their throats, Kai and Sciezka just gaped at the sight of the restaurant owner carrying his only employee to the break room like a sack of potatoes.

"So, erm…" Ed was still trying with all his might to keep a straight face. "H-How did you two meet each other?" Kai mouthed a silent yet hysteric 'thank you', but Sciezka gasped. "_Rocketry and Advanced Science for the Modern Age _by Albert Haushauffer!" She exclaimed, pointing at Ed. All of Ed's hysteria was replaced by blatant confusion. "…Eh?"

She just smiled as if she told this a million times a day. "That's the last book you checked out from the library on Renate Street, do you remember? I'm the head librarian there, and I remember everyone who's ever taken a book from our shelves!"

Ed picked at a point on his chin. "Oh yeah, I remember that now. But that must've been months ago, how can you still remember?"

"Isn't she amazing?" Kai asked. He sighed; it was more than obvious he was crushing, hard. Ed looked over at Al to see if he got the same vibe he did, only to find him with his ear pressed up against the door of the break room.

"What the _hell_ did you do that for?" Liza shouted. Or, as loud as she could without being heard in the next room. "What makes you think you could just-" Her speech cut short, and Al wondered what made her stop. A few moments later Roy continued. "How would you like it if your mother barged in and started grilling your date? I'm just helping Kai out in my own way, by making sure no meddling drunks, or maternal figures, get in the way of his night." Liza was obviously still speechless, but Al thought this conversation was well over, so he retreated slowly back to his table.

Meanwhile, Ed was still stuck in his seat, which was becoming increasingly awkward as Kai and Sciezka were talking about mechanics and books and books about mechanics, and all the while living in complete ignorance that their food had not even come yet, let alone been ordered. The menus lay over in one dejected corner of the table. Ed shifted uncomfortably in his seat and prayed silently that Liza would pop out from the wall and take their orders just to get this hell to end.

He jumped up suddenly out of his seat making the couple start. "I'll go find Liza and Meier and see what's up with the orders." Al tugged on his brother's sleeve glancing nervously towards Ed and the door. "Brother…" He said quietly, "Brother I wouldn't do that…"

Ed took no heed to his little brother's completely reasonable warnings and practically ran towards the door, he had to get out of this nightmare and have somebody shove food down their throats if they had to…

In his haste to escape the romance from hell Ed completely threw aside the need to knock and threw open the door. He just stared. At the two restaurant workers. On top of each other. On the couch. Almost about to _do it._

Ed shut the door quietly and walked slowly back to the saving grace that was the two bookworms in love.

**&&&**

I just had to do this. I just HAD TO.

I'm really gonna have fun with this whole Nutcracker thing.


	3. Sweet Molly Malone

I felt the need to have the bar burst spontaneously into song.

So of course, so do the drunks. Yes, that's right; my feelings toward the story are not conveyed through Ed and Al, nor Liza and Roy, but the drunks. I love the drunks.

Volker Falman.

**&&&**

"LIZ!"

Liza's head whipped around so fast it looked like it could be on strings. "Shit!" Roy came around the corner carrying a bag. She picked up a dark mass from under the table and quickly tried to escape to her room upstairs. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit….!" She barely got three or four steps before Roy cut her off.

"Tell me, Liz, what is this?" He asked, holding up the bag. Liza tried her best to hide the mass under her apron. "I-It looks like dog food, chief…"

"Indeed it does," He agreed. "But now, the question is how dog food gained legs and walked its way into my restaurant, isn't it?" He shook the bag so its contents rattled around innocently, no idea of the hell to which they were condemning their purchaser.

"Y-Yes I suppose it is, sir…" She always called him 'sir' when she knew she was completely and utterly screwed. He raised an eyebrow.

Just when she thought she could possibly rearrange the situation into something resembling her continued employment, the pile under her apron barked. Yes, that's right, barked.

She gave a little squeak that sounded something like '_hip!_', as John and Helmed took this moment to meander over to investigate the noise.

"Aww, look, it's a puppy!"

"Is it yours, Lizzie?"

"Hey everyone, Lizzie got a dog!"

She looked murderous. The lump of fur poked out from under her apron to reveal a black-and-white puppy. John and Helmed let out a joint "_Aww_" as the dog shuffled itself around in her arms.

"Yes, it's adorable." Roy said dully. "Now go out, Liz, and but it back where you found it."

Liza rose indignantly. "That's not fair! The poor thing was starving, what was I supposed to---"

"Look, no one loves doggies more than me." He said with a listless tone that made it clear to everyone that he could care less for the animal. "But health inspectors don't. So just… shoo, doggie. That's right, shoo." He waved the bag at it.

The small puppy looked at him with giant black eyes, filled with hurt. It could almost be crying.

"Aw, come on, have a heart, chief!" Helmed reasoned. "It ain't hurtin' no one…"

"Yeah, and look, you're making it sad!" John agreed.

"Yeah!"

"Come on!"

"Don't be a Scrooge!"

Their begs for the dog gathered agreement from the rest of the drunks. Roy was unaffected.

"Listen,"

"Come on, chief," Liza pleaded. She widened her eyes and bit her lower lip. The dog chose this time to lick around her neck and through the fabric of her shirt. Roy's mouth went dry. This dog sure knew how to negotiate. He licked around the inside of his lips.

"I… erm…" Liza leaned forward. She had him. She SO had him.

He sighed and pushed forward the bag in defeat. "What's his name?"

Everyone cheered.

"Hooray!"

"She can keep it!"

"'Nother round!"

"A toast to the doggie!"

Liza smiled "Hartmutt." She leaned closer to grab the dog food back and whispered a warm "Thanks" in his ear. He tried not to shiver.

The little bell rang, informing the celebrators of new arrivals. Edward and Alphonse peeked in through the door. "We were passing by and we heard a lot of noises. What happened?"

John raised a bottle. "We've got a new addition to the staff!"

"Yeah, Lizzie's got a dog!" Helmed added.

Ed and Al looked at each other. It was a major déjà vu. They were suddenly reminded of a rainy day, cats, and explosions. Lots and lots of explosions.

Al smiled. "So what's his name?" He had a frighteningly strong feeling it would be something along the lines of…

"Hartmutt." Liza said proudly as she held up the dog. It was indeed the spitting image of the lieutenant's faithful companion. Al silently wondered if this one knew how to salute.

"Well this calls for a celebration!" Ed said proudly. He opened the door wider and allowed himself and Al to enter.

"What does it look like we're doing?" Helmed demanded, tossing back his bottle and splashing cold beer all over John. He blinked stupidly for a moment then took a sip of his own.

John and Helmed's newest drinking recruit, Volker, took a deep swig of ale and slammed his jug down on the table. "I'll tell you what it calls for… a song!" This suggestion was greeted with assent from the rest. Volker took another chug and began to sing.

"_In Dublin's fair city, where the girls are so pretty,  
I once met a girl called sweet Molly Malone,  
As she wheeled her wheelbarrow, through the streets broad and narrow,  
Crying cockles and mussels Alive alive O"_

The crowd struck up a clapping rhythm. Even Liza set Hartmutt down to join the beat.

"_Alive alive oh,   
Alive alive oh  
Crying cockles and mussels,  
Alive alive oh."_

Ed and Al clapped their hands in time to the music. Roy spun Liza around as many were asked to dance. John and the others took it upon themselves to keep the beat. It was a merry sort of scene, with men bowing (and consequently being slapped) by women patrons, the employees dancing and the dog drifting around to find someone who wasn't too busy enjoying themselves to feed him. His search, unfortunately, was in vain.

"_She wheeled her wheelbarrow through the streets broad and narrow,  
Just like her mother and father before  
And they wheeled their wheel barrow,   
through the streets broad and narrow,  
crying cockles and mussels alive alive oh"_

Helmed stomped his bulky feet, John slammed Volker's empty jug, and Volker just swayed drunkenly. Ed and Al had never heard this song, but it was obviously famous.

"_My love had a fever and no one could save her,  
And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone,  
But her ghost wheels her barrow  
through the streets broad and narrow  
crying cockles and mussels alive-alive oh."_

It was a full-fledged welcoming party, introducing the newest regular to the Nutcracker. The cause of all the celebration was wandering around, weaving through the tables, licking people's feet and lapping at spilled food, which there was plenty of. Completely oblivious to the fact that his owner and her boss had long since retreated upstairs to her room…

**&&&**

Oooh, I'm SO bad.

_Bitch_.

I had to bring in a Black Hayate. Because you can't have an AU East H.Q. without Hayate. It's a physiological impossibility.


	4. Humble Beginnings

Just thought I'd return to the bar's humble beginnings. So just to make this clear basically this entire chapter will be a flashback. No italics or little FLASHBACK, END FLASHBACK thingies. Just one big flashback chapter. Like 75.

Oh, I keep forgetting to put in a disclaimer so here it is: I don't own these characters or their shit. So there.

…

sob

**&&&**

Elizabeth Hemmingway stopped in front of the half-finished building. She cocked her head to the side. This must be the wrong place. But it couldn't be, she wrote it down somewhere… She dug through her purse for the tiny slip of paper that she grabbed to scribble down the address she was given over the phone. _Ah, there it is…_ She looked back and forth from the paper to the building. 362 Kaufmann Street. This was the place…

She took a closer look. There was a sign over the door, a blank sign. The windows were put in, but they were so dusty from lack of care over their short life that she couldn't see through the glass. Why on earth would he want her to meet him here? If this is some smartass idea for a 'date' then he would be on the business end of her foot, that's for damn sure…

She pushed in the door tentatively. A small bell rung over her head. She looked around to take in the scenery, or lack thereof.

"Ah, you're here. Great." Roy Meier clapped his hands once and stood in a grand fashion in the middle of a room that couldn't be less grand. It was haphazardly fashioned with tables and chairs slung over the space of the lower level, and the stairs leading to a row of numbered doors upstairs stood menacingly, daring any brave soul to venture towards them. Elizabeth just stood there, staring. Yet Roy was smiling wider than she had seen him in months. Then again, she hadn't seen him so much in the past few. That's right; she had been wondering why he hadn't been showing his face around as much lately…

"So this is what you've been holed up in for the past nine months. And here I thought you were pregnant, I was gonna ask to be the godmother…" Roy still smiled; even her smartest insults didn't faze him. This must be big. "So what do you think? I know it's not finished yet, but when it is it'll be great." She was still dumbfounded. "I'm sorry, are we standing in the same room?" She asked. He finally got hold of the fact that she was lost.

"Oh, I didn't tell you did I? This is gonna be the newest bar on the street. Restaurant too. The rooms upstairs are gonna be for an inn, so the drunks who have one too many can crash here and we can charge them extra! Great, huh?" His childlike enthusiasm was almost contagious; she smiled as she berated him. "One: You don't know how to run a bar. Two: Even drunks won't sleep in those caves you have up there. Three: We?" He finally stopped smiling.

"One: I've been looking it up, and I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Two: Like I said, it's not done yet. Three: You're going to work here, didn't I tell you?" She dropped her purse. "Look, Liz, I know you've been looking for a place, and you can't sack it out on Gracie's couch forever. Not only that, you'll have the best commute in town. From the upstairs," He gestured to the landing on the top, "To the downstairs." He made a shifting motion to the bottom. Liza scoffed. "With the looks of those stairs, I'd rather take my chances on the Autobahn. And I told you not to call me Liz." He walked over and put an arm around her shoulder in what he hoped was a nonchalant fashion. She was too stunned to notice the abrupt change in his body heat when he touched her. "Look, I can't do this whole thing by myself, and you're the only person who can put up with me for long amounts of enclosed time. And why do you have to be so negative, we'll get this place worked over and it'll be ready for business before you know it."

She stared fixedly at her feet so he wouldn't see how red her face was. She kept her voice steady. "Gee, Roy, Living together in separate rooms, me working for you 'round the clock, if you want me to marry you, just ask." He froze. She laughed. "Kidding, kidding. So what, you'll sit around and cook all day, I'll put up with drunken bastards trying to grab my ass at all hours, and we'll all be one happy family? Why don't we--" He pressed a finger to her lips to stop her. She couldn't even hide how hard she was blushing. "Don't think about this too much. It'll be like an adventure. For both of us." He tried to maintain himself; the urge to close the already small gasp between their lips was overwhelming. It seemed like she was getting closer… and closer… with each endless moment she was getting warmer, her lips were getting larger, her eyes were closing more and more…

And before either of them knew it, they were lost within themselves. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her closer to his mouth and almost off her feet; the toes of her flats were barely clinging onto the floor. She tilted her head and brushed her tongue just lightly against his lips. He whispered her name against her mouth and let his shoulders shift to lead her arms around his neck. His hands traveled the length of her back, through her hair and down to her even thigh. A few of his fingers found his way to the delicate skin underneath the skirt. She pulled apart slowly and resentfully when she finally couldn't breathe anymore.

"So when do I start?"

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"Liz? LIZ!"

Liza lifted her head slightly and let a drowsy 'urrgh…' escape her. Soft blonde hair spilled across the pillow and she turned around to see her boss and lover standing in her doorway, looking annoyed. "I've held off opening hours as long as I can. Get up and get dressed, the breakfast crowd is gonna be coming in soon and I don't want to miss them because you're too busy sleeping the day away!" His eyes softened a bit and he lessened his shoulders. "You were moaning. What were you dreaming about anyway?" Liza shook her head and shifted her legs to the edge of the bed, revealing the skin that tempted the man in the doorway to no end.

"Just a little reminiscing. Nothing too exciting."

**&&&**

Tee Hee.

You thought I was gonna give you a lemon but I _didn't._

I just like messing with you!

R&R, you know the drill.


	5. June Eleventh

By popular demand, I have created a new chapter. This is my most popular FMA fic. Damn. That sucks, because I really hate what I did to the concept. But it's fun to write about, the characters are so terribly mutilated. This will set the store for all the following chapters. But not in any sense-making way. 'Cause homie don't play dat.

Don't own.

**&&&**

There was only one day of the year that sent the entirety of the Nutcracker into chaos. Objects were thrown, people were hit, and stores were raided to find exactly what they were looking for.

That day was June 11th, Elizabeth Hemmingway's birthday.

It wasn't as if she asked for a big party or anything. On the contrary, she hated them. Every year, when interrogated about what she would think a suitable gift, all she would say was, "Some peace and quiet. And for John to stop drinking."

Neither of these wishes was ever granted.

Instead she was showered with books, jewelry, clothes and dolls. None of which she was remotely interested in, save for the books. But only one person went truly and medically insane when this date rolled around, Roy.

He knew that it would give them away if he gave her something extravagant or expensive. Yet he still wanted his gift to be special, at least more special than anyone else's. Not that he cared that it was his birthday as well. That wasn't nearly as important, at least not to him. He and Liza had always had a small party after closing, complete with… err… party activities.

No, he needed to find the perfect gift. Two days from now it would be her twenty-sixth birthday. And although she never wanted any fuss to be made about it, he was sure she would expect something nice from him.

**&&&**

"Necklace?"

"She hates them."

"Earrings?"

"She has too many."

"How about a nice fat ring on her finger?"

"Shut up. You said you'd help, remember?"

"I'm tryin'; chief, but you're not makin' it easy." John shrugged as he rubbed the back of his neck. They were in the middle of the town square, evaluating store after store to find Liza a gift for her birthday. "Yer being too picky, just get her a book or something. She loves books."

"She's going to be getting tons of books." Roy argued. "One can only have so much. Besides, I hate being cliché." He looked around, evaluating the shops surrounding him on all sides. Jewelry, no, she hates doing up the little clasps. Clothes, no, he always got the sizes wrong and if he got one too big she thought he thought she was fat, and if he got too small she thought he was raising expectations. He had known Liz for fourteen years, six months and five days, and he still had no idea what to get her for her birthday. And procrastinating didn't help; he had learned that long ago, when they were young.

Flowers were too simple, and she only liked one specific kind. After racking his brain for the last week, he came to one final conclusion:

It was physically impossible to find a birthday present for Elizabeth Hemmingway.

**&&&**

"You know what, just go, John, Thanks for your help, but I don't think I'll get anything done… today." He finished as he realized John had long since run off after an attractive young woman. He sighed. This was, of course, typical behavior for him. But that still left him with his dilemma. He had slid by on years of books and art supplies, but this year seemed… different. He couldn't quite place it; he just had a feeling this year he had to find the perfect, absolutely _perfect_ gift.

"Having trouble, sir?"

Roy turned to find a rather aged woman pushing a cart adorned with small gifts and trinkets. She smiled kindly up at him. "Oh, nothing, just looking for a birthday present for-"

"Girlfriend?" She finished slyly for him.

Roy just stared. Could it be called a relationship like that? Sure, there was sex, and there was love, never spoken but it was heavily implied. He just grinned. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I really need to find something just…"

"Perfect." She nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. So, tell me what this girl is like. Maybe I can find something suitable."

"Well…" Roy began tentatively, "She's… beautiful." He breathed in. "And… smart, and kind, and… kind of strict, but she's just… she's… beautiful." He finished lamely. "And I have no idea what to get her."

The old woman smiled. "I see. And you're not planning to propose? Yes, well, does she have short hair?" He frowned. What on earth did this have to do with her birthday present? "No, it's actually pretty long. She's been complaining about it, actually. I don't know why, I like it… long…" The old woman dug around and revealed a pristine white barrette, studded with small amber gems around the corners. It shone in the light, blinding many innocent pedestrians. He just stared. It matched her eyes. "Wow…" He breathed. "It's… it's…"

"Perfect." She beamed. "Now, it's a little pricey, so I don't know if you can…"

"Sold." He stated. "Sold." He threw a stack of bills on the table of the cart. "Keep the change." He smiled. The woman just stared at the small fortune that Roy had just bestowed upon her. She handed the clip up to him, staring in awe. "Thanks." She said, still in shock. Roy smiled at her. He turned around and whistled all the way back to the Nutcracker.

**&&&**

Liz just stared at the small box surrounded by wrapping paper. John and Helmed were beaming at her.

"It's a… it's a bone, John." She looked up at him. "Why did you give me a bone?"

John just smiled. "It's for you and Hartmutt to play with!" Helmed nodded vigorously. "It was my idea! Although those stupid anti-grave diggin' laws weren't all that easy to-"

John elbowed him in the ribs. Liza dropped the bone. Kai and Szieska hurried up with their gift. "I hope you like it, Ms. Liza!" Szieska squealed. "Oh, it took me forever and ever to find the right one, but I'm sure I got it!" Liza smiled kindly at her. "I'm sure I'll love it. Let's see what's inside…" She tugged on the ribbon, revealing a small brown book. "_History of Nineteenth Century Art_. How wonderful!" Kai blushed. Szieska looked at him disapprovingly.

And so it continued. A wreath of chrysanthemums from Gracie and Maes, a miniature model of the rocket they were building from Ed and Al, a bottle of fine wine (half empty) from Volker, and a small ribbon from Hartmutt, recently picked up off the street. Liza laughed. "They're all wonderful gifts. Thank you all so much." As she waved out the last of the guests, she turned to run into her very own Roy Meier. She looked up at him. "You missed a nice party. Where were you, anyway?" He smiled. "Just finding the perfect present," She gasped as he pulled out a white hair clip adorned with amber stones, black stitching in the middle spelling out _ECMH_. He also revealed a number of pricked and bandaged fingers. "Sorry it took so long, this sewing thing is harder than it looks, let me tell you." She just gaped at it. "I… I can't believe…" She just stared at him. It was gorgeous. He smiled, grabbing her shoulders and gently spinning her around. He gathered her gold hair in his hand, raising it slightly to clip it all together, leaving two strands hanging to frame her face. He turned her around again to face him. She was still open-mouthed, eyes wide and a warm color rising in her cheeks. He hadn't seen her blush like that since… well, a very long time ago.

"Beautiful," he whispered, fingering one of the strands. For the first time since he appeared, she smiled. He couldn't ask why before she had taken his face in her hands and started kissing him with all she had. Wasting no time, he circled his arms around her waist and tilted his head in. Not wishing to break the kiss, but still hungry for his own birthday present, he picked her up and carried her upstairs to their bedroom. After depositing her on their king-sized bed, he attacked her neck with his mouth, creating a trail with his tongue from her jaw line to her collarbone, all the while working on the buttons clasping her shirt. She traced her hands down his chest to the hem of his pants and began to pull. In the small amount of time that it took to pull his shirt off, she pressed her lips to his ear.

"Pretty impatient, aren't we, birthday boy?"

**&&&**

On June 14th, 1925, three days after her birthday, Elizabeth Catherine Margaret Hemmingway was pronounced pregnant.

**&&&**

HAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!

CLIFFY.

Yes, I made her name ridiculously long. Because I can. So Lizzie's gonna pop one out. Guess who's it is?


	6. Have We Decided The Name Yet?

Okay, this one is more plot-oriented that the rest. And a bit more dramatic. But not much. It's also longer (2000+ words)

**&&&**

"_Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod-"_

"Liz…" Roy sighed.

"_Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod_-"

"Calm down…"

"_Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod_-"

"LIZ!" He snapped. She started, finally pausing in her pacing of the floor. She looked at him as if just realizing that he was there. "I'm pregnant." She said weakly.

"I know." He said. "I know."

"But how, dammit, _how_?" She shrieked. "Four years ago the doctors were all telling me I was infertile, that it would be impossible for me to have children!"

"Difficult," He corrected her, "But not impossible." He ran his hands through his hair. "So," he said finally, facing her, "We're pregnant." She stared furiously. "We? Excuse me, are you gonna be popping this thing out in eight and a half months? No, no you're not." Roy sighed.

"So what're we gonna do?" She said meekly, throwing herself onto a chair. "I mean, what if it turns out I'm like, the worst mother ever, and then the kid will hate me and my life will be over and oh my _God _I'm going to have a _baby_," She babbled incoherently for quite a while. Roy let her release some tension while putting an arm around her chair and rubbing her back.

"…And then the poor little thing will have no home and everyone will take pity on it and go 'there goes the child of the worst mother in the world'-"

"No one is going to say that."

"And I just know I'm gonna screw it up somehow-"

"You won't."

"I'm terrible with kids-"

"You're great with kids."

"And I'm not ready for this and I don't _want _to have a baby, Roy!" She finished, pleading. She looked up at him with wide amber eyes; he brushed one of the stray strands from her mostly tied-back hair. "It's going to be fine, okay? We're financially stable; we have a home and plenty of food." He gestured around at the restaurant. "And honestly, we were going to get married anyway, right? It was only a matter of time." She gaped at him. "_Married_? Roy, are you kidding me? We can't… I can't… _Married_?" He rubbed her shoulder but she brushed it off. "This is all happening way too fast. I can't think straight, I need to get some rest…" Roy nodded. "Alright, go and get some sleep. We'll stay closed for the day."

She practically ran up the stairs, slamming the door shut behind her. It was then he finally sat down himself, slumping in his shoulders and leaning forward. Not only had it taken two weeks for Liz to come out and tell him that she was pregnant, (with _his_ child, no less) but the hormones were already kicking in, and she was becoming noticeably more irritable. It would only be a matter of time before she started showing, then it would be impossible not to notice. Then, after four years of deceit and careful planning, their dirty little secret would be out. No, this was very, very bad.

Not that he was angry at anyone. This was no one's fault. And maybe… maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have a baby. Sure, they would have to keep it away from John and Helmed, God only knew what they would do to the poor thing, and they would be busy a lot, but how hard could it be, right? And it would be unfair to take it out on the kid. It was his responsibility.

But Liz wouldn't see any reason. Whenever he entered the room she went into complete hysterics. He had never seen her so out of control. But of course, she did have more to be worrying about. She wouldn't be able to work after a while, that would practically kill her. And from all she had heard about pregnancy from her older friends, she had to be scared to death. He wasn't lying; she was great with kids… other people's kids. He wasn't saying she wouldn't be a good mother or anything, not at all. He just wasn't sure if she was ready, emotionally.

There were other options, though. They could always put the baby up for adoption. No, Liz would never go for that. She would be nervous for a while, but when she regained her sanity she'd want to keep it. She had grown up in a dysfunctional family; he knew she wouldn't subject her own child to that. It made Roy gnash his teeth just thinking about it. The one time he had met her father he'd ended up punching him in the face. The man was an alcoholic, and he beat her. No, he would be a much better parent. He'd seen plenty of kids before, hell, he used to be one. He could handle a kid or two.

Okay, maybe not two…

**&&&**

Liz eventually came down, after the bar exploded into chaos. "What happened?" She said.

Helmed was squeezing Gracie and Maes into a bone-crushing hug, John was sobbing and Volker and Kai were singing something she couldn't understand. "Maes just proposed!" Gracie said through tears, of happiness or pain Liza couldn't tell.

"That's wonderful!" She said happily. Although her mind was still drifting to the conversation she and Roy had had earlier in this very room, she was determined to be happy for her friend. But she couldn't help noticing that Gracie looked like she put on some weight since her birthday party…

Roy appeared from behind the bar with a bottle of wine. "Congrats, bud. Always knew you had it in you." Maes just grinned up at him wiping sweat from his forehead, as if he had just come back from running a marathon. "Thanks, Roy. You have no idea… I thought I was going to fall over, right there…" Roy smiled and patted him on the back. "If you think that's bad, wait till you meet her parents." Maes looked like he was going to faint.

"Now, now, Roy, don't scare the man." Liza said soothingly as she pulled Gracie from Helmed's grasp. "I'm so happy for you, sweetie. You're finally getting married!" Gracie smiled for a bit, and then whispered something in her ear. Liza nodded and the two women escaped into the other room.

Once in the break room, Liza locked the door behind them. She turned to Gracie, wondering what she wanted to talk to her about…

"Spill, honey, what's wrong?" Gracie took a deep breath. "I don't think Maes wants to marry me, Lizzie. I think… I really don't." She fell over onto the couch and instantly began sobbing. Liza grabbed a box of tissues and shoved them into her lap, hurrying to put an arm around her and allowing her to cry into her shoulder.

"T-thanks… Oh, Lizzie, I really d–don't think… H-he doesn't want to marry me at all!" She cried. Liza was confused. "Come on, sweetie. If he didn't want to marry you, why would he propose? And he's been admiring you for months! Of course he wants to marry you!" Gracie shook her head frantically. "N-n-no, he doesn't… He only wants to get married b-because I'm p-pregnant!"

Liza gaped at her. "Well, have you told him yet?" She blew her nose. "N-no. B-but you can tell, can't you? V-Volker asked me earlier if-if I was eating more… he said I was too skinny before and th-that…" She couldn't say anything more, at least not that Liza could understand. She just continued to sob into her tissue, grabbing more from the box. Liza felt guilty, because at this point her mind wasn't on Gracie anymore. It was on Roy. He wouldn't have ever wanted to marry her if she hadn't told him. She couldn't even recall a time when he said he loved her! She leaned back into the couch. "Well, join the club, baby. I am too. Pregnant, I mean."

This and only this stopped Gracie from crying, just staring. "Y-you're what? But you can't be…" She then froze. "Is it Roy's?" Liza nodded. "Uh-huh. Guess we're getting fat together, huh?" She said, trying to smile. But she was just staring at her in shock. "D-does he know?" She asked. "I mean, he can't just,"

"Yeah, he knows. I told him this morning. I shouldn't have at all…" Liza sighed, resisting tears herself. She couldn't unload on Gracie, not after she was going through so much… Well, the same as her, actually.

"What're you talking about? Of course you should have!" She said, outraged. "You can't keep something like that from-" She stopped herself when Liza smiled sardonically at her. "You were saying? You kept a secret too, little missy. At least Maes proposed to you beforehand. Roy only feels guilty. If I hadn't told him, he wouldn't have given a shit. Just kept on fucking me like nothing happened…"

"That's not true!" Gracie shouted. "How long has this been going on?" Liza ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know… years, I guess. And he never told me he loved me. Not once." She finally looked over to her friend, only to find her face contorted in rage. She had never seen her like that. Surely it was the hormones.

She stood up swiftly, knocking the box of tissues over. Liza got up tentatively. "Gracie… Gracie, what do you think you're…" But it was too late. Gracia had already unlocked the door and slammed it open, charging into the bar while the others stared. "Out of my way, Sciezka, lady with a baby coming through!"

"Baby?" Maes said in shock, "What about a baby? We're having a baby?" The gleeful smile on his face disappeared when his fiancée rushed past him and slapped his best friend, hard in the face. "You BASTARD!" She shrieked. Roy was in shock. Gracia never slapped anyone, let alone a friend. And what baby? The crowd that was once bustling with laughter was now dead silent. "What're you-"

"How long? Two years? Three? And you never told her you loved her? Not even _once_?" Roy finally understood what she was talking about, though no one else did.

"When did you find out?" He said quietly.

"Just now," She whispered fiercely. "She told me. You think, doing all of that, never _once_ thinking to tell her that you even _cared_, you think you can expect her to marry you? Let alone have your kid! You son of a-"

"GRACIE!" Liza shouted, rushing out and grabbing her arm. "That's enough! You don't have to-"

"Let go of me, Lizzie, I'm pregnant and I'm pissed!" She screamed. "THIS little bastard," She pointed at Roy, "thinks he can get away with what he did to you-"

"It wasn't his fault-"

"Sticking you with his kid-"

"I never said anything against-"

"Trying to marry you before he even said that he loved you-"

"I never asked for-"

"Then he's got another thing coming!" She turned to face Roy, now practically shaking with rage. "You think you can get away with doing that to MY best friend? You ugly, arrogant, son of a-"

"That's ENOUGH!" Liza screamed. The entire bar gazed in shock. Even Gracia stopped struggling. "I know you're mad. Hell, I should be mad too. I kind of am," She admitted, "But there's nothing that can be done now."

"What's going on, Honey?" Maes asked. "What is all this about?"

"Tell him!" Gracia shouted, glaring at Roy like she could have murdered him. "Tell all of them! Tell them how you fucked her for _years_ without saying anything at all! Tell them how you knocked her up without even considering-"

"DON'T," Roy screamed finally, causing all eyes to turn to him. No one, not even Maes had ever seen him this angry. "DON'T _EVER_ SAY THAT I DON'T LOVE HER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA, ANY _EARTHLY_ IDEA HOW MUCH I'VE WANTED TO SAY IT ALL THIS TIME? HOW MUCH I'VE…" He choked off, trying to keep his voice stable. "I've wanted… wanted to tell her…" He felt a stinging in his nose, but he ignored it. "How much… every time I looked at… at her eyes and… wanted so bad to..."

"Roy…" Liza began, but he stormed off, creating a roaring sound each time he ascended a stair. Once he got to the top, he spoke quietly but everyone could hear him.

"You can call me what you want," He breathed, "You can call me arrogant, cold, selfish, whatever. But don't you _ever_ say that I don't love her. Never."

For the first time since she started in, Gracia was speechless. Liza froze for a few moments, and then rushed up the stairs after him, the door closing loudly behind her.

After moments of stunned silence, Helmed turned to a shocked John.

"You owe me twenty bucks."

**&&&**

I'm writing a lot of pregnant, lately aren't I? Oh well. And this is getting fun to write again. I guess Shark can wait.

But read it anyway.

I cried while writing this. Not because of the story, because my cold is really starting to get to me and this coughing makes my eyes water.

Review, if you so please.


	7. Roy Meier Pregnancy Log

Not the chapter I was originally planning on posting, but it's fucking Christmas, people! After I was done it kind of reminded me of that one oneshot I did about the letters… oh well.

**&&&**

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: ****July**** 17th****, 1925**

First off, I am only keeping this stupid log because Maes wouldn't shut up about it. Women are the ones supposed to be doing this kind of thing. I don't mean to sound sexist, but I'm not the type to keep a journal. But here I am, writing in this damn thing. But that's not the point; the point is keeping tabs on my wife.

Okay, so she's not my wife yet, a minor technicality. We're working out the plans, but she wants to be married on New Year's Day. Thinks there's something symbolic about it. I honestly don't care when the date is, I just want those bastards on the street to stop eyeing her. Honestly, ever since she got pregnant it's like she's emitting this aphrodisiac to everywhere within a ten-mile radius. I know it sounds evil, but I can't wait until she starts to show. That should show them.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: July 21****st****, 1925**

Those little bastards made a pool. I just found out about it. I can't believe them, gambling about my future son/daughter. I honestly hope it's a boy. I don't care about this whole battle of the genders thing; I'm just really looking forward to having a little son to teach him how to play baseball and how to pick up girls and all those fatherly things. I just know that if it's a girl then I'm gonna get all overprotective and manic and Liz will hit me. And that will hurt. I've put the bets below:

Helmed- March 16, boy, nine and a half pounds

John- March 17th, girl, eight pounds exactly. He says he's determined to win his twenty bucks back, whatever that means.

Ed and Al: March 24th, boy, nine pounds

Kai: March 2nd, girl, seven pounds

Whoever wins I'm adding it to their tab. That should teach them not to gamble.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: August 11****th****, 1925**

Well, it's started. Liz is now incredibly horny, all the time. It's not like I'm complaining or anything, far from it, this is _a__wesome_, but she's got a knack for picking the worst possible times. Unlike when she could wait until closing hours and when all the guests were asleep (and even then she needed some seducing), now she feels the need to drag me away from customers, into the break room, and on the couch before I can even say 'What?'. Even though it's damn inconvenient, I have to say, GOD is it sexy…

**Roy ****Meier ****Pregnancy Log: August 19****th****, 1925**

I am now stuck in a myriad of nonstop sex. Liz literally _can not_ keep herself to herself. Now I don't feel bad, because I'm not the horny one anymore. Now SHE'S the one who has to seduce ME. I must say she's incredibly good at it. Or maybe I'm just easy. Doesn't matter, the end result is basically the same.

Must go, Liz is calling me, and I think I know what she wants…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: September 2****nd****, 1925**

Maes is insisting he read my pregnancy log. It's not like I hate the guy, but I really don't feel like informing him on the details of the sex life of me and my soon-to-be-wife. Honestly, doesn't he ever go to work?

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: September 12****th****, 1925**

Maes stole my log. He says not to worry, Gracie's going through the same thing, but doesn't he have any sense of privacy? He was laughing at the pool. LAUGHING. He says he's adding on his bet. I hope he loses by a country mile, the little fucker.

Maes- March 3rd, girl, six and a half pounds

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: September 25****th****, 1925**

The sex is over. Now she's just freaking out. I miss the sex. Now I'm just consoling her all the time, telling her she's going to be a great mom and that she's not going to beat the child and all these random, impossible things. GOD do I miss the sex…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: September 26****th****, 1925**

Did I mention I REALLY miss the sex?

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: October 17****th****, 1925**

Okay, now she's going over names. I am serious. We have six whole months left! But six months is starting to seem like less and less. These past three have been like snapping my fingers. So far Liz has come up with, like twenty names. I'm putting my favorites here.

**Girl:**

Margaret

Katherinne

Delilah

May

Mae (I don't see the difference, but Liz says there is one. Never argue with a pregnant woman. It hurts.)

Emily

Rose

Rebecca

Lilith

Raine

Ella

**Boy:**

Liam

Koen

William

Arthur

Emery

Joss

Oliver

Henry

And there's more. If I had to choose, I'd go with Liam. Or Delilah. Those are my top two.

**Roy M****eier ****Pregnancy Log: November 25****th****, 1925**

There is a very good reason I have not written in this thing for so long. I have just had to put up with the unexpected arrival of Liz's father. Needless to say, it ended terribly. Somehow or another he found out about Liz being pregnant, and he went mental. GOD did I want to hit him. I did. It was great. I had to send everyone home, after the man came barging into my bar coming up with all sorts of accusations. He was talking about dragging her away back to Koblenz, bringing shame to the family name, being a little hussy and so on and so forth. Maes had to hold back John and Helmed, which I must say looked like a chore. Ed, however, got in a few good punches. I've never been more proud. Honestly, this man has got to be the most infuriating human being I have ever met, which is saying a lot, knowing Maes and Ed. I have no idea how Liz put up with him for so long.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: November 25****th**** ½, 1925**

Now I know. Liz ran away from home when she was fifteen. She was crying about it. It might be the hormones, I don't know, but I've never seen her more upset. Well for a while he was all the family she had, and watching him talk to her like that must have been painful. I have no idea what she must have gone through. Why hadn't I ever asked before? She knows almost everything about me, why don't I know almost anything about her? Right now she's in the bathroom, but when she gets back I'm going to ask her to tell me everything about her. And I'm not going to let her leave until she does.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: November 26****th****, 1925**

Wow. I just… wow. Liz is probably the unluckiest person I have ever met in my life. There's a ton of stuff I don't feel like repeating… let alone remembering. Liz is asleep now, she's been crying for hours. I'm going to go back to bed. Must make sure I don't wake her up…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 5****th****, 1925**

Wow, having the wedding on New Years was a _great_ idea. I have no idea how we're going to get all the preparations for the wedding AND for Christmas all within days of each other. Well, writing in this journal isn't going to solve anything. I've got to go get presents, rings, and food supplies. Not necessarily in that order.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 6****th****, 1925**

WHAT AM I GOING TO GET LIZ FOR CHRISTMAS???

**Roy M****eier ****Pregnancy Log: December 7****th,**** 1925**

WHAT AM I GOING TO GET LIZ FOR CHRISTMAS????????

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 8****th****, 1925**

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO GET LIZ FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 9****th****, 1925**

Please shoot me.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log:**** December 10****th****, 1925**

I know what I'm getting her. A crib, a new apron, and a lifetime supply of Coca-Cola.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log:**** December 11****th****, 1925**

Never mind. That's stupid.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log:**** December 12****th****, 1925**

Why is it always so hard to shop for Liz?

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log:**** December 13****th****, 1925**

I saw what she's getting me. A hat. A seriously, seriously nice hat, because I don't have one. FUCK!

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log:**** December 14****th****, 1925**

Okay, I found something really, really, really nice. It's a really lacey little doll, because she said she had some as a kid. One of the things she took with her when she ran away was this really nice antique doll comb that her mother gave her. So now I'm wondering how I'm gonna pay for this thing. I mean it's like, seriously expensive. Well, there's got to be something around here that I can hock…

**Roy Meier**** Pregnancy Log:**** December 15****th****, 1925**

I officially have absolutely nothing of value that I can sell. Unless you count John. But who would buy him? Maybe some really, really, _really_ lonely woman…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 16****th****, 1925**

I just got a check in the mail for seventy-five bucks. Apparently it's some tax refund thing from years ago, but I don't care because I now have enough money for Liz's present!

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 17****th****, 1925**

What if she doesn't like it?

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 18****th****, 1925**

No, that's impossible. She'll love it.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 19****th****, 1925**

Right?

**Roy M****eier ****Pregnancy Log: December 20****th****, 1925**

Five days until Christmas. Twelve days until my wedding.

Fuck.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 21****st****, 1925**

I just got a card from my sisters, wishing me a Merry Christmas and happy upcoming nuptials. Which, surprise surprise, they won't be able to come to. Not that I was planning on inviting them anyway… How is everyone finding out about the wedding, anyway?

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 22****nd****, 1925**

Oh God. Today was one of the scariest days of my life. Liz went into false labor, I seriously thought she was gonna miscarry. And do you know the survival ratings for a miscarriage at her age? Not a lot. She's still recuperating, but God did I nearly have a heart attack. Here come the doctors…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 22****nd**** ½, 1925**

The baby will be fine. There were just some premature contractions. I just called John and the others, they're on the way here and they're almost as scared as I am.

And I found out how come everyone knows about the wedding. Turns out John has been sending letters to everyone. Except Liz's father, he must've intercepted one of them.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 22****nd**** ¾, 1925**

Liz is insisting that she's fine and that she can go home. The doctors are hesitant, but say she can be home for Christmas. Which is good, because I think she's really going to like her gift…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 24****th****, 1925**

We're about to go open presents downstairs. Please, please, if there is a God, please let Liz like my gift… I don't want to be out a hundred-twenty bucks… I really don't…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 24****th**** ½, 1925**

She loves it. I am so getting laid tonight.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 25****th****, 1925**

Liz is in the corner primping her doll. She really loves it, and says it will be a great heirloom for the baby. She seems so sure it's going to be a girl…

Well, must go, getting married in seven days…

**Roy M****eier ****Pregnancy Log: December 26****th****, 1925**

I am getting married in six days.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 26****th****, 1925**

Oh my God I am getting married in five days…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 27****th****, 1925**

I am getting married in four days. What if she hates me? Oh God, she hates me, doesn't she? She hates me and we're getting married, dear God why am I doing this, she'll never marry me, God, and we're going to have a fucking BABY…

Holy fuck.

I just realized that we are going to have a baby.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 31****st****, 1925**

I am getting married tomorrow. To the most beautiful person in the world. I am getting married tomorrow. Oh God, did they get the inscriptions right? Please let them have gotten the inscriptions right…

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 31****st****, 1925, 11:01 PM**

I am getting married. I must sleep.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 31****st****, 1925, 11:36 PM**

I cannot sleep. I am getting married.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: December 31****st****, 1925, 11:57 PM**

Three minutes until the New Year. Three minutes until my wedding day.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: January 1****st****, 1926, 12:02 AM**

It is officially my wedding day. I think I'm going to pass out.

**Roy Meier**** Pregnancy Log: January 1****st****, 1926**

Well, it is official. I am married.

I am MARRIED.

I am officially a married man.

I'm so getting laid tonight.

**Roy M****eier ****Pregnancy Log: January ****11****th****, 1926**

It's amazing how good it feels, knowing that now I can walk wherever I want, knowing that I have a wife, knowing that now all the bastards that look at her on the street have no fucking chance, and the looks on their faces when they see the wedding ring is hilarious. And only three months until I become a father.

I think I'm going to pass out again.

**Roy M****eier**** Pregnancy Log: January ****13****th****, 1926**

I thought Liz was hormonal before, it was NOTHING compared to this. I've asked Ed and Al to run the Nutcracker for a little while, they can handle it, at least Al can. And I don't have to worry about the alcohol thing, because Al isn't of age and Edward is afraid that it'll stunt his growth. I have three months to go. Only three months. Three whole months. And then I'm going to be a dad.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 15****th****, 1926**

What if I'm the worst father ever? What if I turn out like Liz's father, all psycho and paranoid and reclusive and angry and alcoholic and abusive… I don't want to do this. I can't do this. But this isn't about me. It's about Liz and this baby. And no matter what I do, it's going to affect them. So shut the hell up Meier and get out there and be a damn husband to your damn wife…

I need a drink.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 24****th****, 1926**

I can't write in this thing as much anymore, there's a lot more baby stuff to do than I originally thought. Gracie has to throw a shower for Liz, Maes is taking everyone out for drinks (Like they really need any more), We need to buy clothes and make hospital preparations and get everything ready for the first few weeks at home…

But hey, we've got two months, right?

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 3****rd****, 1926**

I was wrong we have one month. And maybe not even that, maybe she'll be premature. She could have the baby any minute. What if she has it, like, RIGHT NOW. What would I do? I'm not prepared for this. I love Liz more than anything in the world but I don't know if I can handle it… God, I've had eight months to prepare for this thing and I'm still not ready.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 10****th****, 1926**

Liz is due in two weeks. Ed and Al say they're ready to be called upon in case we can't get to the hospital on time (They say they've delivered a baby before. I don't want to know the details, but I'll take their word for it), Gracie and Maes are all ready to be godparents, I've got all the beds and a crib prepared, there's plenty of alcohol on hand for me and the hospital is ready for us. Now all we need is for ME to be ready…

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 15****th****, 1926**

Did you know a healthy, full-term pregnancy can be two weeks longer or shorter than the intended due date? She could literally have the baby RIGHT NOW.

I need another drink.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 24****th****, 1926**

I have no idea what I'm going to do. The baby is due in a week.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 25****th****, 1926**

You know what? I think I'm ready for this. Whatever happens happens, right? I'll just have to do the best that I can and hope that it's enough. Liz is giving it her all, and really, she's been so incredibly great, if it were me I'd be collapsing left and right but even through all the shit she's handled it way better than anyone else ever could have. She's so amazing, really. So I've got to be just like her, that's all, take all the shit life throws me and throw it right back. I can totally do this. I really can.

Now to go find Liz.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: March 1****st****, 1926**

Liz just went into labor.

**Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: March 2****nd****, 1926**

I am now a father.

Delilah Hope Meier, seven pounds, born March 2nd, 1926 at two o' clock in the morning. She's so beautiful, really, it's like my heart is melting when I look at her. She has her mother's eyes, I can tell. And I think she'll have my hair. I tell you, this girl hit the genetic jackpot.

Hey, Kai won the bet.

**&&&**

Hey… until halfway through I forgot to change it from Mustang to Meier. I'm so smart.

I took all the dates and weights from my family members, plus a couple of names. Delilah is my cousin and Hope is my name. Also, guess which birthday is mine? It's really great being German, you know all the names and cities already.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU OLD CRAZY HEADS!


	8. Search Party

TIMESKIP.

That's right, a la Naruto and Desperate Housewives...

TIMESKIP.

Just one chapter though. Deal.

&

The little raven-haired girl crossed her arms and pouted. She stuck out her lip and sent a palpable wave of hatred out towards her uncle.

"Tattletale." She accused. Her posture was rigid and her face was angry. Her uncle picked under his fingernails, clearly as disinterested as he could be.

"Please. Not my fault you were dumb enough to skip out on your chores and run off into the streets. What, did you think your mom would actually just let it go? Have you _met_ your mom?" Ed scoffed.

"_Yes!_" Delilah shouted angrily, her cheeks turning pink. She had never taken well to her Uncle Edwards biting sarcasm. "I have, thank you very much, but I was hoping that by the time I got back she would forget about—"

"About you tipping over that pot of spaghetti sauce and blaming it on Hartmutt? No, I haven't forgotten." Her mother finished coolly from the doorway leading to the kitchen. Her daughter hiccupped a bit in nervousness. It wasn't entirely unfounded, either. Liza Meier, when angry, was the most formidable woman one could ever have the chance of meeting.

"You," She began slowly, in her you-have-no-idea-how-much-trouble-you're-in voice, "Were specifically told to clean up the mess you made in your father's kitchen. I told you that you were not allowed out of the restaurant until you did." She straightened up a bit, walking in slow, deliberate strides over to the stool where her daughter sat. "Not only that, I spent about half the day looking for you, young lady."

"I'm sorry mama,"

"I checked Petra's house,"

"I'm really, really sorry,"

"I went to Gracia's flower shop,"

"I didn't mean it, honest,"

"I even checked down at the police station to see if Petra's father had seen you, and was even on the verge of calling a search. Do you know what would have happened if your uncle Edward hadn't found you? The_ police_ would have been involved. Now you, Delilah Hope Meier, had better have a _damn_ good explanation for this, or so help me you will be washing dishes until you're as old as I am!" Elizabeth finished, her voice ringing in her daughters ears.

"I'm sorry, mama!" The small girl exclaimed. "I'm really, _really_ sorry, but after you got so mad I thought that maybe if I went away for a while you wouldn't be mad anymore when I got back. I didn't think you would just get madder." She finished ashamedly, staring at her small black shoes.

"_Mad?_" Liza cried, her face coloring. "I was worried _sick! _Do you know what on earth I would have done if someone hadn't found you by the end of the day? I would have—"

But Edward and Delilah never learned what she would have done, for at that moment her Uncles Helmed and John burst through the door, looking almost ill with grief.

"We looked everywhere, everywhere Lizzie but we couldn't find her—"

"We'll keep looking I promise, we won't sleep until we have her,"

"It's alright, she's here." Liza confirmed, soothing her friends. Both men turned to find their small niece in a brown polished stool far too large for her, and looking quite embarrassed for causing such a fuss. Her mother's friends, however, were too relieved to see her to care of her disappearance. They immediately threw themselves onto the poor girl, throwing their arms around her in a sobbing embrace.

"Oh Delly, we were so worried!"

"We thought we'd never see you again!"

Delilah, completely taken aback from this sudden burst of affection, merely patted her Uncle Helmed (who seemed to be the less drunk of the two) awkwardly on the back and shot her mother a hopeless look. Liza looked upon the scene with mild amusement, but it did nothing to quell her anger. She had barely began to form a punishment suitable for her daughter in her head before the door burst open again, revealing a very flustered and breathless Alphonse.

"Brother," He panted frantically, "I can't find her,"

"It's alright, she's here." Ed waved nonchalantly at the girl currently buried under two large intoxicated men. Al heaved a sigh of relief. He took a step forward to try and free Delilah from the strange and slightly unhealthy behavior of her uncles, before he started in remembrance and stuck his head out the door. "Mrs. Hughes, I found her! She's here!"

After that was settled, the boy dashed over to the pile of people slumped over the chair. After a few moments of unheard protests, Gracia and her daughter came quickly through the door.

"Oh!" Gracia exclaimed, pressing her hand to her chest. "I was so worried! Thank goodness you're alright!" Her young daughter struggled out of her grip, running over to her friend in worry. Now with a prerogative to get out of her chair, Delilah (with great difficulty) slipped out between her uncles and went to embrace her friend.

"Delly!" Petra squealed excitedly. She threw her arms around Delilah in a very close, very painful hug. She endured.

"I'm glad you're here!" The girl whispered, her black ponytail swinging quickly as she receded from the hug. "My mama's really, really mad."

"I would think so!" Petra's mother said. Delilah blushed embarrassedly at being caught whispering. Petra followed suit. "Do you know what I would do if my daughter went missing? The first thing I'd do would be to go to the authorities!"

'Only 'cuz daddy's a police officer." Her daughter protested quietly. Gracia shot her a disproving look at the outburst but did not acknowledge it.

Liza shook her head, her blonde ponytail following in a long trail. "It's alright Gracia, everything is fine. Delilah is just grounded for a while, that's all."

Delilah quickly dropped Petra's hands and looked at her mother in disbelieving shock. "Grounded?!" She shrieked.

"Yes. Grounded." Liza confirmed icily. "And if you had cleaned up the mess like you were supposed to then you would probably have been outside playing hours ago. Now you can't do that for a week."

"A _week?_" She repeated hysterically. Petra gasped. Gracia looked sympathetic, but also stern.

"If your father was here, it would be more and you know it. Now I have to go out and find him before he tears the town apart. Gracia, watch them, will you? _All _of them." Liza clarified, gesturing at John and Helmed to her friend. Gracia nodded.

Liza sighed and grabbed her auburn coat off the rack. She turned to her daughter for a moment, torn between speaking and silence, but turned soon after and left without a word. The bell tinkled lightly as she left, mocking Delilah's angry and sullen mood. She really had thought what she was doing was best when she did it, but apparently her judgment had failed her. Judgment, she had been informed on numerous occasions, she had inherited from her father.

However unhappy, tired, and lightheaded she might have been, Delilah couldn't help take comfort at being home, surrounded by her family. The same scene she had grown up with surrounded her, and even though the room she was in was crowded with people, she felt proud to say she knew every single one.

After all, in all the years she could remember, the Nutcracker had never had a one-time customer.

&


End file.
